From the Whispers- Owl Man

 

It all started 3 night prior when Owl Man, my 10yr old cat began a stage new behavior. He would come into my bedroom and pace back and forth next to the bed and meow or more accurately scream.  At first I thought he got lost,  was confused because he never came into that room in all the years we lived there. 

Finally on the third night, at 3 in the morning during one of his pacing and screaming rituals, I just couldn't take it anymore. Owl had been a happy, serious. quiet cat.  He enjoyed running around  the house catching mice and baby ring neck snakes that would emerge once a year from the fireplace. But  this behavior was very out of character. Nothing would console him so I got out of bed, turned on the light and picked him up and plopped him on the bed. I began to question him about his behavior.  He sat there fully attentive as I looked into his eyes and said "Owl man what the heck is going on?"  Like I was really expecting an answer .......  

I was not prepared for what he proceeded to tell me. 

I AM BLIND.......I AM BLIND.....TEE TEE SAYS I AM BLIND...TEE TEE SAYS IT IS REALLY BAD.....

Wholey crap that is not what I expected.  Where did that come from? I then remembered that a few days prior I had a session with an animal communicator.  Tee Tee communicated with the woman that she thought there was something very odd about Owl Man.   I did confirm that Owl was indeed mostly blind. You would never know by the way he raced around the house  and launching himself onto his favorite table by the window.  The animal communicator explained that to Tee Tee.  So Tee Tee must have said something to him. However, Owl had no idea what that meant since he had been that way for years.  He only retained  that she said it was bad. 

Thinking on my feet, I said to Owl," Do you know what it means to be blind?"  Still sitting on the bed where I had plopped him he looked intently at me and said NO - BUT, Tee Tee said it was BAD! 

I took a deep breath and attempted to explain and calm him down.  I said "Owl,  It has to do with how you see things. Let me ask you this.  Do you see things any differently today as you did yesterday?"  Owl cocked his head and I could see him trying to access his memory.  After what seemed like a long time he said NO.  I said "that is great.  You see things differently than Tee Tee because of the accident you had when you were young and you were in the animal hospital.  That is where I found you and brought you home.   How you see is not bad it is just different. It is how you see. How you see is normal for you.  There is nothing to worry about this is just you. "

Owl takes a deep breath and lets out a long sigh...... He jumps off the bed and back to his normal life. 

From The Whispers - Staff Sergeant Lotor

 

This is the first time I had the courage to put down on paper the Whispers that guide me and help me with the work I do and life.  2/11/2010

It all began as usual……..

As I am driving to a home or enter an exam room to see an animal, be that dog, cat, horse, pig goat…….  I try to connect/tune into the animal.  I begin by asking permission, introducing myself, explaining who I am and what I try to do to help them. I then scan their physical body for any glaring issues, pain, heat distortions, misalignments, blockages.  Whatever catches my attention that just isn’t right or shouldn’t be there.  I try to look deep and differentiate what I am seeing and feeling.  Is the problem on the surface, more superficial and structural ? Is it more deeply seated and potentially emotional in nature causing physical issues? I wait for a picture or feeling to register in my body and/or mind.  It could be a feeling, smell, picture, or a voice in my head I hear.

I always pray that I am of service for the highest good for the animal  - not just to be good so I look good.  I pray to keep my ego out of the process. 

We connect center to center, heart to heart and it is from there that I listen….. We are safe to communicate from that pure place and the animals feel safe and can begin to share.  Then it is up to me to try to translate what they are sharing. 

On this particular day I was on my way to Lotor’s home and as I settled into the car seat and began my drive I slowly tuned in to Lotor.  I was immediately consumed with a rush of anxiety.   I interpreted this as my own since on our last visit he had suddenly jumped up and yelped as I was touching him.  Clearly he lived in alot of pain and PTSD caused by the years he served as a bomb sniffing dog in the Marines Lotor used to  jump out of planes parachuting to the ground  and his body experienced many explosions and the trauma during several tours of duty.  He originally came to me from California when his owner/handler was transferred to PA.  Lotor showed up at the office as any stoic dog would, holding his head up high, yet, his body clearly showed the weight of his injuries, trauma and pain he endured everyday.  His gait was severely ataxic (legs not moving normally ) in the front and rear.  The area of his back between his shoulder blades was significantly lower than the rest of his spine so that his shoulder blades looked odd protruding very high above his spine and with each step they moved even higher towards the ceiling because he didn’t have the strength to support himself in the front end. A large area over his lowback had been shaven  in an attempt to do a lumbar puncture  to get answers as to the cause of his deteriorating condition.  It is now over 6 months since the hair was shaven and it has not grown back- yet he carried himself proudly.  I could see in his eyes that he was doing all he could to function/do his job, even if that job today was to be able to walk into the office to see me.   As the universe would have it, the entire office  had to hunker down in a middle room of the building because of a freak tornado warning.  I was grateful for the the extra time I had to learn about Lotor’s story and the entire office got to experience and appreciate a canine war hero.   Once the tornado threat passed I worked on Lotor adjusting his first vetertbra in his neck, and used gentle techinques that allowed the rest of his spine to relax and move more freely. Then I balanced his cerebral spinal fluid so that his nervous system could get the nourioushment it so needed to allow it to heal.   Over the course of 3 weeks he began to quickly grow back his hair and got stronger in his upper back.  HIs shoulder blades and muscles around them could now hold him up proudly.  He began to want to play and engage with the family and the other dogs he lived with.  He felt well enough to be loved by his family and he could express his love and gratitude to them.  He no longer was  just trying to survive.

So back to the car ride to Lotor’s house that day….

I am back in that sudden feeling of overwhelming anxiety.  Could it be my own anxiety?  My own anxiety about getting it right, my own ego worrying, my own doubt creeping in that this time I might not be able to help Lotor?  I remembered the pain I saw in his eyes on our first encounter that he tried to hide behind his pride. 

When I got to the house they took me to Lotor who was laying on the sofa.  He didn’t even look like himself.  He looked small and frail.  Not his usual 90 pound, proud and handsome German Shepherd that he was.  He looked defeated.   He managed to drag himself off the sofa and use every ounce of courage and strength to great me.  He looked up into my eyes and gave me a kiss.  I leaned into him asking him to please talk to me so I can help him. I was nervous but began to touch him and gently ask him questions.  Many times I just ask the questions in my mind and pray I get some answer.  Those answers come as physical answers as I am touching and examining and other times they come as a random word,  scene in my head, a smell, a feeling that I then have  to interpret in order to figure out how best to help them heal.   This time, with Lotor, the flash of insight was intense.    I could now see that the anxiety that I had been feeling was not mine but his. I could now see that it was his anxiety and fear. The pain that he was in caused HIM to have a flash back. When the pain hit him yesterday he was instantly transported back to the day in Afghanistan when a disc between his shoulder blades was severely injured and he could not move.  I had no idea what was going on or what this meant.  I just knew that the memory was more disturbing and triggered something in him that was greater than the pain he was actually experiencing at that moment.  I took a breath and said to Lotor, I would do my best to figure this out but I need your help. Talk to me…..As I examined him I also saw  constriction in his lower back that looked like a stream that had been partially blocked by a bunch of debris, and a misaligned neck vertebra.   I worked on the physical things I could help with but this went much deeper.  

Then  a memory came to me about a human client I had that was a Vietnam Vet and I saw the same fear in his eyes when I touched a vertebra in his neck and he went into a full blown PTSD flash back.  Yes I was scared as he turned and jumped off the adjusting table lunging at me as my back hit the wall.  He thought he was back in Vietnam with the enemy after him.  And I was the enemy.  I managed to hold my eye contact and remind him he was safe and in my office in PA…….thankfully all turned out ok.  AND on a really positive note the physical issue he had come to me for went away and never returned. 

I knew I had to figure out how to access the primary reason for Lotor’s distress today.   I began to ask his nervous system questions to get to the core of the issue, since clearly he was still distressed even though I had adjusted his physical misalignments.  

So many thoughts were going thru my mind as I was formulating questions to ask him.  I had no idea where to even begin. But I knew it had to do with some flash back. 

I did the only thing I knew to do …. Look into his eyes and ask him what was he afraid of? Expecting to hear the word pain or see a picture or feel pain but, I did not!!!  NO, that was not the answer to this puzzle.  

What I heard was so amazing.   Lotor’s inner self said that he was afraid that they would think less of him if he couldn’t do his job.  He didn’t want to let his family down.  He was a Marine and always would be and took that position very seriously.  His still slightly cloudy distant eyes suddenly became present and sparkled again as I assured him that HE IS LOVED JUST THE WAY HE IS. He served his time and did his job when he was in the service but now he just gets to enjoy life and his family.  He reached up to lick my face, took a big deep breath and sighed. I watched him over the next few minutes (as I tried to explain to the owner what just happened), his body relax as he took in the concept that he no longer had to hold it all together.   By the time I was done fumbling trying to find the words that sounded professional and coherent to  explain to the owners what just happened and being a little worried I just lost all credibility as a doctor.   Lotor picked himself up off the sofa where he had been laying since yesterday.  All of our attention shifted to watch him do a full body shake, look around and bound to the door to go outside.

 FEAR was at the root.  FEAR was causing the muscle spasm. FEAR was causing the restiction of fluid in his spine. FEAR was making him hold his breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

I don’t know what life has in store for Lotor.  But, what I do know is that being understood, appreciated and accepted for who he is now is as important to him and it is for people.  

Thank you Staff Sergeant Lotor of the Marines.

Thank you J.R. Halbert for sharing your Whispers and giving me the courage to share mine. 

What's to come?

 By the time you are done with this chapter of your life, you won't even recognize parts of yourself.

You are doing things differently now. You are responding instead of reacting. You are taking more risks. You are laughing more.  You are smiling more. You are more peaceful than ever before. You are wiping away your fears, and you recognize there is still much to be done, you are creating new and exciting opportunities that are allowing the process to unfold more easily. This is where you get to pick and choose how you want the next few years to go. With the healthy control you have created. There is no where to go but up and forward. 

Never give up advocating for yourself

 

Very strange unrelated symptoms began about 2 years ago.  Certain hand creams made my hands turn red and swell.  If I touched clothing that had fabric softener on them my hands would turn red and swell.  Clothes shopping was a night mare causing swollen red hands and even tightness in my chest.    Then I began noticing that the smell of red meat cooking in a pan made me fill ill.  I loved a good roasted prime rib yet the smell of it cooking was revolting and eating led to weird symptoms that showed up in a few hours.   It got so bad after 2 years that the last time I ate a hamburger my face swelled so much I had large watery bags under my eyes and above my eyes were all swollen.  I thought maybe I had rubbed my eyes and gotten poison Ivy or oak there.  My hands and body were swollen,  my joints ached.  My brain felt like it was in a fog, the fatigue was crippling.   I took natural antihistamines, iced my eyes and sucked it up and went to work and living life the best I could.   

I had brought this up to my family doctor 2 years prior but as usual met with "Oh Donna,  Alpha- Gal (allergy to red meat) is a very rare issue.......I will look to see if there is even a test for it."    So,  I mostly stopped eating red meat.  I found I could eat a certain hamburger once in a while.  But all the weird reactions to other foods and substances got worse and more frequent.  I live a pretty simple life and even with that I was suffering and had no idea the extent of where this Alpha - Gal is hidden in foods, and products.   

After the most recent swollen face and hives on top of the poison ivy, I requested again to be tested for Alpha Gal.  Now that it is more socially acceptable in the medical community and the  Journal of Cardiology just ran a big article on the implications of individuals with alpha gal syndrome on the heart.  I was able to get tested and as you can imagine I tested very strongly positive for beef and lamb and  mild for pork.  I still have to have further testing for venison, bison.......and other mammalian foods. 

Alpha - Gal is a sugar that is found in the saliva of Lodestar and Deer ticks in PA.   As soon as the tick bites you the saliva transmits alpha gal into you.  More tick bites of infected ticks and the stronger your reactions to red meat or anything made with or from red meat mammals or Red Algae known at Caragean. 

Yes you get it now, anaphalaxis from shampooing your hair?  using hand lotion,? IV catheters, binders in drugs, gelatin capsules, Jello and the list goes on.......

Not everyone get anaphylaxis (severe allergic reaction that makes it hard to breath). I reacted by my face, eyes and body swelling, hives, fatigue, flushing (like a hot flash) felt like my brain was in a heavy fog, anxiety, joint pain and swelling, severe GI cramping and sometimes explosive diarrhea.

Here is a list of medications that are contraindicated if you have alpha-gal

https://inpharmd.com/inquiries/7b59a192d887a7bce18eb339b9cbc82289c04016bae4cfb8656cbb41a53ce033

The moral of the story is to  continue to advocate for yourself!!!!

I know it is not easy, especially when you do not feel well but you have to !!!

 

SILENT SUFFERING

 Today I watched on national TV a woman receive a new car for her heroic efforts during the terrible flooding in North Carolina storms.   You would have expected it to be a joyous moment but her face went white.  Of course she was happy, surprised, grateful.  BUT...... When they asked her about this moment she said "Thank you,  what I did seems so far in the past and I thought I had forgotten it all but in this moment the reality of the hardship, trauma, fear just came rushing back."

I can identify with her sudden reliving of past traumas that were buried because I/we had to survive.  We think we have forgotten but we never do.  Something as simple and should be a wonderful event of receiving a gift or award opens our flood gates of the past.  

We are the only ones that really understand the seriousness, the heaviness of what we went thru.  How deeply we were affected on a physical level, and emotional level. Certain events in our lives change us forever, even if we think we have "forgotten" them.  

For me what came rushing back was the seriousness of my physical condition(s) and I was going thru it alone and trying to maintain a positive attitude.  Trying to maintain composure because I was a doctor and had clients that I needed to show up for to help. But, underneath it all like the woman from NC, I was going thru much trauma myself.  

Maybe having to serve others helped us get thru.  Having a bigger cause than ourselves to focus on.

There is something larger than us.... from Andrew Loyd Weber's Starlight Express

 Sydnie Christmas sings her original version of Andrew Loyd Weber's song.

I hope you enjoy Sydnie's amazing and captivating voice.

Turning 60 years old is a significant milestone.

Age and birthdays have never meant much to me.  However,  turning 60 has made me want to reflect on a few things.  Alot of life has happened in the past 60 years AND I have so much still to do with a ticking clock. 

I decided to look up why this particular birthday feels so significant and here are some comments and thoughts I found. 

For many, the age of 60 symbolizes the onset of a decade brimming with changes, newfound freedoms, and the exciting prospect of embarking on new adventures. In a society that often places a premium on youth and vitality, there is a quiet revolution unfolding among those in their sixties.

Sixty is not middle-aged. Not even close. Sixty is a reckoning with the truth of mortality, with change, with a new sense of myself as finite.

Sixty is time to let go of perfection. Time, also, to give up comparing, worrying, arguing over petty things, and taking slights personally.

The meaning of life at age 60 can vary greatly from person to person, often shaped by individual experiences, beliefs, and circumstances. However, several themes commonly emerge during this stage of life:

I'm turning 60, and—please don't take offense—I no longer have to be concerned about what anyone thinks of me! (You know, the old Am I doing it right? Am I saying it right? Am I being what or who I'm "supposed" to be?) I'm turning 60, and I've earned the right to be just as I am. I'm more secure in being myself than I've ever been.

“becoming a crone” (that is, a wise old woman) at the age of 60

I do know it is a time to be grateful.

I can now see how we affect others lives and don't even know it.  We do so in the kind words we say,  the smile we greet them with, a helping hand.  It is not necessarily what we do in our professional capacity with others but our essence of who we are that impacts them.    

Also. I know understand the statement "Do not compare your inside to someone else's outside". Another words,  just because someone looks like they have it all, seem to have it all together, know where they are going......  it might just be a good show.  They might be (and usually are) searching, nervous, insecure but have mastered their outsides to cover up their insides.   Don't be fooled and feel bad about yourself.  We are all in the same boat  - some boats are just well shined.