Where do they come from ?

Have you ever wondered where certain thoughts or feelings inside of you originated.  Are they truly yours, did you learn them, do they belong to someone else?   

I came to realize that the sadness I have felt inside of me and have carried for 58 years isn't even mine.  I remember back in grade school when I would take my guitar outside and sing to the universe and the animals.  I would just make up words and cords walking around strumming and singing.  The lyrics of the songs were apologizing for how the people treated the earth and the animals.  Yes, amidst all the singing was an endless stream of tears.  

One day in 8th grade my mom came into my bedroom as I was studying. In the background the The Best of Bread Album was playing on the record player (yes record player). My Mom commented that she thought the type of music I listened to was odd for a kid of my age.  Now that I think of it not many kids in 8th grade had the full collection of Barbara Streisand, Amy Grant, Anne Murray and John Denver to name a  few.  I still love music and lyrics that convey a message, beautiful music and talented singers connected to their work. 

Now that I realize the source of my sadness and that it isn't mine.  How do I release it from my body?

I remembered Christine Richardson, talented animal/soul communicator, sharing with me something Bailey, my 32 year old Painted Pony, explained to her. Bailey told her that his job is to convert energy.  To be honest, up until a few days ago, I had no idea what he was talking about.  I just nodded my head and said - ok.....  Hoping some day I would understand.  

I decided to seek the wisdom of Bailey to help me figure it out.  I went out to the field and asked him to explain this concept.  Here is what Bailey said to me.

"Your job is to just BE.

By you being present, and around people and animals, you are converting their energy to a higher vibration. 

You do not have to do anything.

When you are in a balanced, happy, joyous state simply your presence is all that is needed.

I asked How can that be? How does it really work?

Bailey went on to say that energy and the universe strives to vibrate at the highest frequency possible but for whatever reason sometimes beings get stuck in a lower frequency.  When they are around you their energy comes in to contact with yours and POOF, instant energy conversion. In with the old and out with the new.  It is that simple. 

 You do not need to hold the world's sadness.  Simply be the best version of yourself and thru that alone it will convert.." 

Who knew my carefree Bailey with his ponytude had so much wisdom to impart. 

Thank you Bailey.

"Copyright © Donna Gigliotti 2024. All rights reserved.

Coming Full Circle

 I began my professional journey in chiropractic school being taught that as a chiropractor my job is to remove blockages in the body using a chiropractic adjustment.  There are hundreds of chiropractic techniques out there now.  I studied with several mentors of various techniques and SOT (Sacral Occipital Technique) resonated with me the most.  The foundation of SOT is to re-establish normal flow of the cerebral spinal fluid.  This fluid is produced by cells surrounding the brain and flows down the spine and out the holes in the spine to bathe with nourishment all the nerves of the body.  It also acts like a cushion protector in the brain and spinal cord as is surrounds them.   All of chiropractic was founded on this premise of locating the primary blockages thus restoring the ability of the body to return to it's natural homeostasis and heal itself.    Quite simple.   However,  my education in and out of school also went on to learn the names of all the illnesses that can afflict a person and all the tests to do to prove it.  When I got out of chiropractic school and into the real working world I found a great pressure to name/diagnose the issues.  We as chiropractors are not legally permitted to diagnose.  Our gift is to locate the imbalance/injury/trauma/blockage and add a force/energy to help remove it so the body can heal.  Well,  I have to say it has been very challenging to remain that pure.  I have over the years wavered and succumbed to the pressures of our medically oriented society that believes the power is in the name/diagnosis.  And, my own ego that wants to show how smart it is and come up with a name.   Truthfully, a diagnosis is only a word that was made up to describe some condition.  

So, here is where it comes full circle......

As I,  and my practice has evolved, I once again looked back to my beginning teachings and the truth behind the philosophy of removing blockages so the innate wisdom of the body can heal itself.   This brings us to the present day of studying Spring Forest QiGong and the fundamental philosophy of moving energy and removing blockages.  In chiropractic it was removing blockages in the nervous system and in QiGong it is removing excess energy from the system.  What I focused on in Sacral Occipital Technique was the cerebral spinal fluid flow and in QiGong it is Qi/Chi.   How ironic that they both run in the same area of the body providing life force and nourishment.

Isn't the universe funny.

Master Chunyi Lin

Love It Out Of You and Set It Free

When an individual lives with chronic pain and illness it becomes easy to be mad at it and to hate it.  We hate the arthritis, we hate the joints that hurt, we hate the illness, we hate the tumor...... 

Some practices encourage us to "fight it" to prepare for battle to "defeat it". 

However, the illness, tumor, pain is a part of us. 

Are we not hating a part of ourselves?

Are we not waging war on a part of ourselves?

Are we not casting away, destroying a part of ourselves?

After 27 years a light bulb has turned on inside of me to finally accept the deep connection that exists between my mind and body.  I have a mind that was trained in science. A mind that was taught look at  illness as an invader that has infiltrated my body causing some disease state.  What is traditionally referred to as the germ theory.  However,  we do exist everyday with viruses, bacteria, pathogens, toxins coming in contact with us and even getting inside us. Yet for some reason, they don't bother us, in fact they might even live with us in a symbiotic existence.  But, why did it all change one day?

I now have a greater appreciation for when my lyme doctor, Dr. Lesley Fein, said to me 20 years ago that she thinks we get sick at certain times because we are vulnerable at that time.  Yes,  It was a very stressful time in my life.  I grew up every summer pulling several engorged ticks off of me and I was never sick.  I lived in the pine barrens of NJ.  But, that summer, that tick caught me at a vulnerable time. My defenses were low.  NOW,  20 years later I am beginning to understand and more importantly accept her statement. 

We all tend to store our physical, emotional, and mental traumas in our bodies and minds. Over time they accumulate and weaken our most inner being.  Think of it like a football game.  If one team experiences the loss of several key players ( line backer, blockers, tight ends...) during the course of a game their opponent (germs, illnesses....) can overpower them and invade/infiltrate their territory.  

Some say that the dis-eases we are experiencing have been drawn to us for a reason.  I know for me they have led me to very important learning experiences.  As strange as it sounds, they have all changed my life for the better. I do, however, wish I was a quicker learner and less stubborn to see the truth.  

Master Chunyi Lin, founder of Spring Forest QiGong, talks about how we need to love and transform our pain (physical, mental, emotional) in nature.  It is a part of us.  To hate it is to hate apart of ourselves.  Perhaps a better way is to acknowledge it, thank it for the lessons it has come to teach us and transform it to love/butterflies and set it free to leave our bodies. 

I know all to well that  it takes a substantial amount of energy to mount hate and attempt to drive with force something away then it does to send love and set it free.  Sit with this concept and really feel the difference for a moment.

 I invite you to join me in this practice of self healing and making more room for happiness by setting free the pain and suffering. 

You look fine ...... revisited.

 This is a reprint of my posts years ago.

This is for everyone that suffers from "invisible illnesses" so that others can have a glimpse into our world. 

Thursday, October 31, 2013

You Look Fine ...

This is something I wrote back in 2008 or so when I was very sick.  Anyone that has suffered from something that is not an evident physical problem might be able to relate to this.

What does "You look fine" mean?  You expected me to be in pajamas, dirty wrinkled clothes, unkept hair... You expected me to be long faced, ashen gray...  Take a look on the inside. Take a look in my eyes to my inner being.  This is a place that is struggling to be up, to keep up with the simplest of demands and tasks.  This is a place filled with physical pain, emotional struggles, overcoming daily challenges and chronic exhaustion.  This is not what you see when you look at me is it?  Everyday I put on my best look for you and for me.  I need to, in order to try and hold onto some normalcy in my life.  It might take me half a day or half the morning to muster the courage to face the world but I do it.  I have to.  Other wise I'm afraid I might crumble from the inside - out.

Being a doctor I believe makes me even better at hiding myself from others.  Patients come to me for help not to see a struggling doctor.  Over the years I have had to develop ways to hide my physical shortcomings, mental changes and even my ability to communicate.  I limited how much I moved in front of patients so they couldn't see my altered gait due to the pain in my knees and feet.  I hid my weak left arm resting it in my pants pocket until they were face down on the table.  I spoke slowly when asked a question.  Patients thought it was so they could understand, but really, it was a stalling tactic because I couldn't access the information in my once sharp, steel trap brain.  I began to worry that as a result of my loss of cognitive ability and physical changes that I was not offering my patients the best care I knew they deserved and the care I used to be able to give them.  I became afraid of missing a key point in their health history/story and jeopardize their care.  Additionally, I was unable to write good notes due to the difficulty getting the words from my head to my hand and then to write them legibly.  All of these concerns scared me because of the potential for a malpractice suit and I felt like I was letting my patients down.  They deserved a whole doctor.  So, I got better and better at hiding my short comings from the patients, family, partner and friends.  I even began to realize that I had become an expert at rationalizing all of it to myself in an effort to convinced myself I was OK.  Since everyone kept saying how good I looked.  I must be good - right?

The day finally came when I had to face the fact that life how it was had to change.  This meant giving up my practice.  The time had come that the constant pushing of myself was crating more harm to myself and threats of mishaps.  The life I had managed to manipulate, rationalize and struggle to hold onto ended abruptly one October day.

Scared, relieved, uncertain, exhausted are just a few of the emotions, feelings, thoughts that ran through me when the doctor said "this is it - no more work".  Scared that what had been my reason to hold it together and push on was no longer.  Scared that I would crumble emotionally and physically.  Scared to face how I really felt.  Scared of my reality.  Relieved I did not have to listen to patients while trying to ignore my own aching body and sluggish brain.  Relieved from the burden of worry about my practice. Uncertain what the future held physically, mentally and emotionally.  Then the reality of the exhaustion came to the forefront.  The pain I had been trying to ignore escalated to my attention.  I no longer had to suck it up and put on a good front for my patients and peers.  I was sinking into the extent of my illness and how it and my pushing for all those years had taken a terrible toll on me.

No one understood this because I looked fine.

It All Causes Damage

 I grew up being told that "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me". 

Like many of you  I took it for face value but it is NOT true.  The energy that comes out of a person and is directed towards another in the form or words are as harmful as a punch. It has the same impact if the words are said in a tone of anger or with the intent to harm but said "nicely.  Both still pack a punch to the recipient. 

Our society is just beginning to acknowledge that verbal, emotional and physical abuse all cause harm to the recipient on many levels.  True, physical abuse is usually the easiest to spot because it can leave visible marks.  However, verbal and emotional abuse leave their mark in the person also.  Many times they can be worse because other's can not see what has happened. Often, other's can not believe that the abuser is actually an abuser.  

Verbal and emotional abuse usually occurs behind closed doors or at least out of the sight and earshot of others.  Occasionally, it spills over and is demonstrated in public.  Never the less, the intended recipient or target is wounded. Some of you might know what I am taking about. You can feel just as beat up as if you were physically punched. Energy travels thru words, thoughts and actions having a great impact on the person it hits.  

Individuals living or subjected to the verbal and/or emotional abuse of another tend to have a harder time acknowledging that it is actually happening.  It is common to rationalize the behavior of the abuser or believe what we were told growing up which in fact is not true - "Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me".

Every being is worthy of love and to be treated with kindness.  

                        Value yourself.  

                                        Believe you are enough.

                                                        Believe you are worthy of being treated kindly.

Link to Article on difference between emotional and physical abuse

Sticks and Stone and Words can break your bones........