Make The Most Of Your Life

 

I just returned from a wonderful few days meeting new friends, reacquainting with old friends, making new memories,  releasing thoughts, feelings, patterns that no longer serve me, witnessing someone choosing to leave this earth, celebrating a wedding and an anniversary. 

I was blessed with the opportunity to experience the feelings of being safe, peaceful, calm, solid within myself.  

Yes,  it caught me by surprise.  I first asked myself,  "Donna, what are you feeling?"  "Are you ok?"  

What I was feeling was so new that I thought something was wrong with me.  I realized that the usual "buzz" of anticipation, nervousness, the energy that comes with always moving forward was absent.  I was truly living in the moment and sharing it with another.

What was left and being exposed, that had been hidden behind the "buzz" of living life with forward momentum and each day filled with self imposed and societal expectations was a sense of PEACEFULNESS and CALMNESS.  A feeling that translated for me as feeling SOLID and SAFE.

When I arrived home I found that a friend had sent me the following post.  I feel compelled to share it with you all.  I am sure each and every person will have their own word(s) to describe that place.  The names you choose to use are not important, the feeling(s) and experience is.  Live YOUR Life.

I think it’s important to ask ourselves if I died tomorrow would I be happy with how I lived.

I love to listen to sadder songs , in fact I always found it weird I like to work out to slow music and run to it . I like it because it inspires me and sets my soul on fire, I always found it odd . It reminds me though, all we have is now, some of the song reminds me of pain but the past pain I’ve learned from ignites me and pushes me for some reason.

At a funeral I’ve recently been to the speaker reminded me that even though going to a funeral is painful , those moments we need, because those rooms filled with pain and sorrows forces us look at ourselves and our lives and how we want to be better and live better and love better 

We all came here for a purpose and sometimes we forget and get lost in the chaos, In the noise, in the hills we have to pay , in the jobs we have to get to , in the traffic slowing us down, in the alcohol that drowns /numbs the human emotions for a little while ., 

But it makes sense to me now , maybe my soul somewhere deep down knew I needed to be built this way so when it is my last day I won’t die with one of with deep regrets . 

I look back on my life , not to pity myself, but to remind me of what choices I need to make today , so if I die I don’t regret and “wish I would have .. or waited to ..”

Every day all of us are one day closer to dying .. every day truly does count .. maybe that is dark to say but it is a reminder to live how your heart truly was born to live. 

I’m guilty of this ..

Living for the future - hoping when I get “there” I’ll finally be able to live. Meanwhile I’m missing the journey, eager to get to this “destination” that I think will make life easier and more enjoyable/ I think that’s the human flaw, the mind getting in the way of life at times. 

#Slowdown #Takechances #Speakfromyourheart #Love #Give #Learn #Inspire #Connect 

What do you have to give up , to live ? What beliefs, anger , ruminating thoughts , limiting beliefs do we have to give up , to release - to truly live , to truly breathe , to truly fulfill our potential? 

Sometimes we don’t know who we are without all that because it becomes part of our identity but we can be more than that.

Give yourself permission to become whatever it is you desire , and believe you can just be.

”I am” two powerful words that become you, that are you .

 I am all that I am. And release what no longer serves me. And appreciate every thing and everyone that has taught me . 

Who we are now is an expression of our soul , how we look, what we like, what makes us happy and sad . Expressions of why we came here, what we came to learn and break through, what excites us , what gets us up, what we look forward to, what brings us peace— these all make up the pieces of us. 

I like to write,  play sports,  I like to be alone , to play guitar,  find cold fresh water to swim in, to be around my dogs, my wife kids..these are pieces of me..

What we do and what we like is not who we are , we are everything and nothing at the same time , just on a journey to live, to learn and to evolve.

It feels like a long trip at times , but it really is a short trip here . So I hope we remember, this moment right now, is all we got.

Researchers Reveal Losing A Dog Can Be As Hard As Losing A Loved One

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because, in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.” – Amy Sedaris

If you’ve loved and lost a dog before, you know that it’s an incredibly painful experience. After all, a pet isn’t just an animal you own – it’s someone you consider a member of your family. You share a special bond with them, and they become your best friend and companion. Losing a dog can bring deep sadness.

Many times, dog owners need time to grieve and process the loss of their beloved pets before being able to move on. Those around them who have not experienced this pain may not understand. They might tell a grieving “pet parent” to just get over it since it’s “only a dog.” However, this only serves to worsen the pain.

Now, science has proven that mourning the loss of a much-loved dog is not unusual and is, in fact, a real and valid experience. In fact, this research suggests that overcoming the death of a passed pet may be harder than healing from the passing of a human. Here’s what we’ve learned from this study on why it can be so hard to overcome losing a dog.

5 Reasons Why Losing A Dog Is As Hard As Losing A Loved One

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because, in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.” – Amy Sedaris

1.    Bonding

According to the Official Journal of the Human Behavior and Evolution Study, we forge bonds with our pups that are very comparable to the bonds we form with people. Our brains interpret these bonding activities in the same way. In other words, our bodies produce the exact same hormones when we bond with dogs as when we bond with people.

This is why your pups begin to feel just like family to you The same chemical processes are taking place that would if you were speaking to a family member! In the case of losing a dog, you have to let go of a creature you have deeply bonded with.

2.    Grieving

So, we’ve established that you bond with dogs and humans the same way. But when a canine companion passes away, you can’t mourn for them the same way you do for people. When a human you’re close to passes away, you can seek therapy or counseling, have the support of friends, family, and loved ones, and hold or attend a funeral.

But when a dog passes away, you have to move on as quickly as you can because this is what others deem acceptable. You can’t turn down social events or have slower performance at work because, according to Telegraph, others don’t see the loss of a pet as something worth grieving over.

Additionally, attending therapy for such a thing might result in negative social repercussions. This can make it tough for you to reconcile a pet’s passing and find closure so you can move on.

3.    Love and Comfort

When your pet dies, you aren’t just losing a dog. You’re losing the feelings you got around them. You’re losing their love, the comfort their presence gave, and the companionship they provided. That’s a lot to lose all in one go, and it can make you feel very empty.

Plus, dogs give their human moms and dads the kind of unconditional love that you can’t really find in people. It’s a love that really, really hurts to lose.

4.    Memories and Routines

If you had a dog, they likely lived with you; you spent most of your time at home with them around. When they pass away, your home becomes different.

• Gone are the routines you got so used to – feeding your pup or taking them out on walks.
• You no longer hear them running through the house, or feel them when they jump up on your lap for a cuddle.
• This can make you feel like you’re lost, especially if you’re one of the many pet owners whose daily schedule has always involved their pets.

You might continue to automatically perform tasks or actions that would only apply if your dog was still around. This makes it all the more difficult to move on.

5.    Guilt

Sometimes, a decision about your dog’s life is placed in your hands. If they were suffering, you may have had to decide that it was time to put them to sleep. Although you made the best choice for your pup, you may still feel guilty about what happened.

Carrying around that guilt with you can make the goodbye even more difficult. You might feel like you should have done more – even when there was nothing else you could do.

So, What Does This All Mean?

Losing a dog – or any pet – is going to be heartbreaking. Remember that your feelings are absolutely valid and that it is okay to need to grieve them. And if other people don’t understand, tell them that your feelings are backed by science!

By Power of PositivityPublished on December 10, 2018Last modified April 07, 2022

What Motivates You?

 Have you ever thought about what really motivates you to do what you do?

I want to share with you a very short, yet powerful video from an amazing woman - Victoria Lebalme.  She lectures and coaches individuals how to be their best and give powerful speeches and lectures. 

Victoria Lebalme - What is your Throughline?

Gracefully Aging: from Spike's Book of Life's Lessons

                                                                   Art by Mia Bosna

Spike says there is no more need to push.

Just be - it is ok.

You don't have to push anymore, it is not a sign of weakness.

The secret to the second half of life is about being content.

Knowing you are safe, secure, content.

Still do all you are meant to do. 

Do what makes you feel good, feel happy.

You have nothing to prove.

No need to anxiously pursue with hard forward energy driving forward. 

Walk, move with decisiveness.

You are being divinely guided  - Just as you asked.

It does not have to be difficult. 

Take a breath in, exhale out - it is that simple. 

Exhale out and leave behind all that is not yours (thoughts, beliefs, struggles, ideals, ideas)

Inhale in YOUR life and all that comes with it. 

You are standing on solid ground. It is just different ground. 

This ground supports you.  It is solid, safe, loving reasonably predictable, loving, supportive, smooth. 

Embrace the new. 

Embrace this gift I give you. 

We each have new roles. Embrace this new chapter of Life.

Trust this process. 

All will be easy now.

 

Getting old is really in your head

I was listening to Louise Hay's audio book The Power is Within You.  In this particular chapter she was addressing the aging process.  Here are some of the highlights of this chapter.

Getting old is a normal and natural process of living.

We are on this planet to experience every part of life.

Separate the idea that you get old and get sick as you age.

You do not have to get sick or suffer to die.

When it is our time to leave and we have accomplished what we came here to do we can take a nap and leave peacefully. 

We do not have to suffer in our last years and days in order to leave the planet.

The Aging Set Point Theory states:

• We do not get old by chronological age.
• We have a biological time clock that exists in our minds.
• If we think 35 is midlife then our bodies begin to accelerate our aging at that point for a decline. If we think at age 70 we are now old, our bodies then become old.
• Our beliefs, thoughts and concepts dictate how long we live and our quality of life. 

For as long as I can remember I always thought I would leave this earth at age 57.  Well,  shocking to me I am in my 57th year and still kicking. In many ways stronger and wiser as a result of my health journey. 

I think my innate wisdom knew that a part of me would be dying at 57.  Yes,  that is what is true.  I was given a choice, like we all are, to either continue my life the way I had been living it prior OR get rid of / leave behind / let die those things, ideas, concepts, thought patterns, beliefs, people, places........ that no longer serve me and create from that day forward a new life.  I have chosen the latter. 

I have chosen the road less traveled.  Which happens to be one of my favorite books I read when I was a teenager. 

Abundance and prosperity is about allowing ourselves to accept.

Open up and Feel from Spike's Book of Life Lessons

                                     Definition of Feel used as a verb:

                                                  To receive information by touch

                                                  To receive information by being touched

                                                  To perceive, sense, detect, discern, experience, endure

                                    Definition of Feel used as a noun:

                                           A sensation of texture, grain, quality of an object or material 

                                          

Let's begin this way and then proceed into Spike's Lesson on Feeling.

How different is this experience in your body?

You are leaving a gathering at a buddy's/friend's house.  When you get to the door you exchange a hug.  Your friend says, " thanks for coming" as they give you a pat on the back and a squeeze of your shoulder.  You return the gesture with a similar pat and a squeeze of their shoulder. You each smile and part ways.  Now, let's think about this experience and feel this exchange.  Most likely no real emotion or physical feeling was exchanged.  Your energy field was close to your body.  Maybe not completely closed as though you had on armor - but maybe.  It depends how safe/comfortable you feel with that friend.  But I doubt the hug lingered. That would have been awkward.  That linger allows a chance to really share is reserved for people we trust and in an environment we feel safe. Opening ourselves, opening our energy fields, letting down our protective armor, reducing our surface tension is a conscious choice.  It exposes our vulnerable underbelly as Spike would say. 

Most working dogs do not roll over and expose their underbelly to just anyone.  You must earn their trust before they will allow you that close or allow themselves to be that exposed and vulnerable. 

Let's talk a minute about this concept of surface tension.  We are familiar with the phenomenon whereby a bug seems to defy all odds and walk on water.  How can that be? Shouldn't they fall thru and drown? They don't because there is a thin layer of water molecules that line up on the surface of the water forming a barrier that prevents their legs from penetrating into the water.   This is called surface tension.  The barrier/tension of the closely packed molecules allows the bug to stay on top of the water and walk across effortlessly.  If the bug is too heavy or the water is choppy the tension is compromised and the bug falls thru.  

We, as humans, usually go through life protected in some manner.  For instance, we might wear more clothing, keep our distance, construct walls around us, put on energetic armor, or increase our surface tension.  All in an effort to protect us from the unwanted energies of people, places and things invading our space.  

I am not implying that this is a bad practice.  It definitely comes in handy.  However, when and how do we lessen or remove these protections? How do we reduce our surface tension?

Allowing someone in is a conscious choice.

The first day I met Spike and he laid next to me on the floor at Christine's house with his back against my leg. I laid my hand on his side and I experienced him making a conscious choice to let me in.  When my hand touched his fur then rested more deeply onto his skin it felt like my hand and his body were one.  The surface tension was gone.  I had been working, playing and petting many dogs that day and this did not occur with any of them.  They allowed me to interact and touch them and even adjust them but their surface tension remained.  Not with Spike.  There came a calmness, stillness in that instance that I had never experienced before.  I knew that if he trusted me to this depth that we had something special.  I didn't realize that he was teaching me a very big lesson on how to open up and feel another being.  A lesson that I would need when I found my partner in life.  

To truly experience another being we have to reduce our surface tension and remove our protective mechanisms we have put in place.  This is a conscious choice done when we feel safe and trust the other enough to expose our "tender underbelly".  This is when the magic happens.  This is when we can truly Feel another being and they can truly Feel us.    Thanks Spike

I am worthy

A week filled with ah ha moments.  The latest being, why have I denied myself the freedom to experience all the joy, love and happiness the universe bestows upon me.  I know, at times, I have limited and dampened receiving and allowing my self to feel/accept the full amount of love, joy and happiness that has come my way.  Was it because in my upbringings and teachings it was common place to suffer, be a martyr, carry burdens.  Was I such a sinner that I didn't deserve to be happy.  Did I think I could only handle so much at one time.  What a silly thought that I might explode from too much joy?!?!?

Each one of us deserves to be happy. To allow ourselves to let in and feel and experience ALL the good.  It is not going to run out.  We do not have to ration it.  More of the same will follow because like follows like.

Love With All Your Heart from Spike's Book of Life Lessons

 Three months into having Spike in my life I realized I still had not allowed him into my heart.  What does that mean? Well sure, I walked him, fed him, played ball with him.... However we were not really connected at the conscious and deep level.  Yes, it was 3 months prior that I had seen him out of the corner of my eye in a large yard filled with sled  dogs of all ages owned by my friend Christine in New Hampshire.  I was there to adjust several of her sled dogs.  Out of the corner of my eye, way down the hill in the dog yard I noticed a young dog jumped up on his dog house and his hind legs stayed bent.  Odd I thought.  I asked Christine who the dog was and she said his name was Spike and he was 10 months old.  The litter was named after the vampire show and his siblings were Willow, Minnow, Xander.  I asked if I might look and check him to make sure he was ok.  When I was through with all the dogs she wanted me to adjust we went inside.  Christine brought Spike inside.  It was not a place he saw often since he was being groomed to her next lead dog, following in his father's footsteps.   I examined him and found that both his hamstrings were contracted and some other spinal misalignments.   I worked on him and then showed Christine how to work on him to help him.  Afterwards we were all sitting around talking as the house dogs and Spike roamed around.  I was sitting on the floor with my legs stretched out when he choose to lay next to me pressing his outstretched back into the side of my right leg.  I hesitated a moment before I carefully placed my entire right hand gently on his side.  The moment I touched him I felt an instant peace between he and I.  My hand and his body were one.  I was not ready for another dog. I was not looking for another dog since I had to put Zia to sleep 3 years earlier and the wound/loss was still fresh.  I drove home thinking about that moment.  I waited a few days and called Christine and told her that if Spike didn't work out as a sled dog and she needed to find him a home I would be honored to have him.  2 weeks passed and she called and said the she had several other promising dogs to train and groom to be sled dogs and that she felt it best that Spike came to me to live.   

It took a few weeks to coordinate Christine bringing Spike out for a trial visit.  I had 3 cats one of which was blind and had a head trauma when he was young.  Spike had to be able to live with Kali, TeeTee and Owl.  His lineage was known to chase and kill cats.  I crossed my fingers he was different.  He was so cute.  A 10 month old wide eyed boy entering a large open living room with big area rugs.  He quickly spotted the rugs and ran over to one and laid down.  It was as though it was the most luxurious bed he had ever encountered.  He loved rugs his entire life.  Even jumping on them as I would attempt to rearrange them in the house and I would drag him around to the new location.  After a while he got up and checked out the toys and the room.  Yes, he realized he didn't have to share his new toys or worry someone would steal them.  I remember when he got up from chewing a bone on his new favorite rug - it couldn't  get any better or could it?  He walked over to the water bowl and looked down into it.  He turned and looked at me with a big smile and happy eyes.  I knew what he was thinking - the water is clear, no meat floating in it!!  I had watched him a few weeks earlier holding his breath and grimacing as he grabbed the pieces of meat floating in his water bowl before he drank some of the water.  This is a common practice among mushers called baiting that the do in the winter to ensure that dogs drink enough water before it freezes.  Spike turned back to his bowl and happily drank until he was satisfied and then returned to his new rug. 

Now it was time to be introduced to the cats he would be living with.  Tee Tee and Kali had already moved upstairs and as it turned out they stayed up there for the next 3 months.  Owl, my blind cat, was very brave exploring the living room and coming over to check out Spike.  Christine got Spike and I got Owl.  We proceeded to sit on the sofa with Owl on my lap and Spike coming over to check him out.  Owl was not affected and was just his usual nonchalant self.  When Spike got a little too excited, Christine would make a low growl and Spike would stop and calm down.  After a few times Spike decided Owl was ok and just left him alone.  I think he thought it was Owl that was growling.  All I know is that he respected Owl and LOVED his cats and any cat I ever brought into the house. 

The cutest think happened when Christine was ready to leave and asked Spike to join her to leave.  At first, he got up to join her then he stopped turned around and returned to sit on his new favorite rug.  It was as if he was saying -you said I was to live here? Why are you asking me to leave??  I had to step in and explain to him that there were people coming to visit and they had a dog that wouldn't get along with him but,  after they left he could come back to live.  He gathered himself together and walked over to Christine and they left. The following week I drove to NH  and picked him up.  

Fast forward 3 months.......

Spike and I were in the car returning after a fun day filled with walks, errands and new places to explore.  He loved the car.  He loved driving around experiencing the world together in his safe little bubble. 

As I was driving up my long steep driveway I looked in to the rearview mirror to see him sitting up in the middle of the back seat intently staring out the front window with his head poking between the front seats next to mine.  You never know what might come running out of the woods across the driveway or even better, what might be already laying in the driveway. He was happy and probably could have lived his life content with the way it was. In that moment I realized I could not.  I wanted more and he deserved more from me than meeting his needs and superficial connection. I looked into his eyes thru the rearview mirror and began to cry.  I experienced a tug in my heart.  I had closed my heart protected my heart from anymore pain after Zia passed.  At that moment, I stopped the car in the middle of the driveway, half way up the steep section.  I put on the emergency brake, took a deep breath and began the first of many life changing conversations with Spike - my teacher.

"Spike, I love you dearly. Thank you for putting up with me, for giving me the space and time I needed to heal.  Thank you for unconditionally loving me. I realize now that I have not fully opened my heart to you. You deserve more from me and I want to be able to love you fully - even if it is hurts. Yes, I am scared because I know that to open my heart again, someday it will be broken again.  But, I want to take that chance.  I don't want to have any regrets. I promise that from this day forward (as scared as I am ) I promise to open my heart to you and let you in."

He looked turned his head and looked at me, cocked it to the side, wagged his tail, perked up his ears and body and said "OK LET"S GO, WE HAVE THINGS TO DO, PLACES TO GO, AND THINGS TO SEE....."  We never looked back. 

Have the courage to do the right thing

 

I have been wondering lately why people and society have such a hard time doing the right thing.  Simple things like acting nice,  talking nicely to others,  treating others with respect, lending a helping hand,  a sympathetic ear.  Today,  I felt like many people of all walks of life are so self absorbed and only looking out for themselves.  They are willing to compromise all ethics and integrity to succeed.  Succeed,  what does that mean really?   Definition of succeed : to achieve the desired aim or result; take over a throne, office or other position; to happen or terminate according to desire; to accomplish an aim in the manner desired.   It is sad that this now comes at all cost. It occurs many times without regard to others.

I see so many instances where smart people, influential people rationalize their actions to justify their success.   

Why has it become unpopular to do the right thing.  Why has it become unpopular to be honest, humble, truthful, decent.  Why are those trying to live a good life looked upon as weak?  

It takes massive amounts of courage to be true to yourself and take other's into consideration.  It is much easier to mow a field by running over everything but it takes longer to go around the trees or even stop and pick up a stray turtle.  Are we too busy to care anymore?

Think of this  - Every one of our actions, words or inactions has the ability to impact another person, place, thing, or animal.  A simple smile to a passing stranger might have the ability to change the course of their day or their life.  Having the courage to do good, be good can effect more than we can even imagine.  Like dropping a pebble in a pond the ripples go out in all directions on the surface and below with far reaching effects.  

I believe we all need to be mindful of our words and actions and consider their consequences on every one and every thing around us.  Yes we are individuals, yet, do not live in a bubble or vacuum.  Have the courage to be your best and do good.  

This post was inspired by a random act of kindness and paying it forward we encountered this weekend while eating in a little cafe in Stroudsburg, PA called The Cure.  Our brunch tab was picked up by a fellow patron.  Turns out someone had started the chain reaction of paying it forward earlier in the day,  and to keep the gift moving forward we did the same.  What a beautiful place and energy to visit and a business worth supporting.