This is the first time I had the courage to put down on paper the Whispers that guide me and help me with the work I do and life. 2/11/2010
It all began as usual……..
As I am driving to a home or enter an exam room to see an animal, be that dog, cat, horse, pig goat……. I try to connect/tune into the animal. I begin by asking permission, introducing myself, explaining who I am and what I try to do to help them. I then scan their physical body for any glaring issues, pain, heat distortions, misalignments, blockages. Whatever catches my attention that just isn’t right or shouldn’t be there. I try to look deep and differentiate what I am seeing and feeling. Is the problem on the surface, more superficial and structural ? Is it more deeply seated and potentially emotional in nature causing physical issues? I wait for a picture or feeling to register in my body and/or mind. It could be a feeling, smell, picture, or a voice in my head I hear.
I always pray that I am of service for the highest good for the animal - not just to be good so I look good. I pray to keep my ego out of the process.
We connect center to center, heart to heart and it is from there that I listen….. We are safe to communicate from that pure place and the animals feel safe and can begin to share. Then it is up to me to try to translate what they are sharing.
On this particular day I was on my way to Lotor’s home and as I settled into the car seat and began my drive I slowly tuned in to Lotor. I was immediately consumed with a rush of anxiety. I interpreted this as my own since on our last visit he had suddenly jumped up and yelped as I was touching him. Clearly he lived in alot of pain and PTSD caused by the years he served as a bomb sniffing dog in the Marines Lotor used to jump out of planes parachuting to the ground and his body experienced many explosions and the trauma during several tours of duty. He originally came to me from California when his owner/handler was transferred to PA. Lotor showed up at the office as any stoic dog would, holding his head up high, yet, his body clearly showed the weight of his injuries, trauma and pain he endured everyday. His gait was severely ataxic (legs not moving normally ) in the front and rear. The area of his back between his shoulder blades was significantly lower than the rest of his spine so that his shoulder blades looked odd protruding very high above his spine and with each step they moved even higher towards the ceiling because he didn’t have the strength to support himself in the front end. A large area over his lowback had been shaven in an attempt to do a lumbar puncture to get answers as to the cause of his deteriorating condition. It is now over 6 months since the hair was shaven and it has not grown back- yet he carried himself proudly. I could see in his eyes that he was doing all he could to function/do his job, even if that job today was to be able to walk into the office to see me. As the universe would have it, the entire office had to hunker down in a middle room of the building because of a freak tornado warning. I was grateful for the the extra time I had to learn about Lotor’s story and the entire office got to experience and appreciate a canine war hero. Once the tornado threat passed I worked on Lotor adjusting his first vetertbra in his neck, and used gentle techinques that allowed the rest of his spine to relax and move more freely. Then I balanced his cerebral spinal fluid so that his nervous system could get the nourioushment it so needed to allow it to heal. Over the course of 3 weeks he began to quickly grow back his hair and got stronger in his upper back. HIs shoulder blades and muscles around them could now hold him up proudly. He began to want to play and engage with the family and the other dogs he lived with. He felt well enough to be loved by his family and he could express his love and gratitude to them. He no longer was just trying to survive.
So back to the car ride to Lotor’s house that day….
I am back in that sudden feeling of overwhelming anxiety. Could it be my own anxiety? My own anxiety about getting it right, my own ego worrying, my own doubt creeping in that this time I might not be able to help Lotor? I remembered the pain I saw in his eyes on our first encounter that he tried to hide behind his pride.
When I got to the house they took me to Lotor who was laying on the sofa. He didn’t even look like himself. He looked small and frail. Not his usual 90 pound, proud and handsome German Shepherd that he was. He looked defeated. He managed to drag himself off the sofa and use every ounce of courage and strength to great me. He looked up into my eyes and gave me a kiss. I leaned into him asking him to please talk to me so I can help him. I was nervous but began to touch him and gently ask him questions. Many times I just ask the questions in my mind and pray I get some answer. Those answers come as physical answers as I am touching and examining and other times they come as a random word, scene in my head, a smell, a feeling that I then have to interpret in order to figure out how best to help them heal. This time, with Lotor, the flash of insight was intense. I could now see that the anxiety that I had been feeling was not mine but his. I could now see that it was his anxiety and fear. The pain that he was in caused HIM to have a flash back. When the pain hit him yesterday he was instantly transported back to the day in Afghanistan when a disc between his shoulder blades was severely injured and he could not move. I had no idea what was going on or what this meant. I just knew that the memory was more disturbing and triggered something in him that was greater than the pain he was actually experiencing at that moment. I took a breath and said to Lotor, I would do my best to figure this out but I need your help. Talk to me…..As I examined him I also saw constriction in his lower back that looked like a stream that had been partially blocked by a bunch of debris, and a misaligned neck vertebra. I worked on the physical things I could help with but this went much deeper.
Then a memory came to me about a human client I had that was a Vietnam Vet and I saw the same fear in his eyes when I touched a vertebra in his neck and he went into a full blown PTSD flash back. Yes I was scared as he turned and jumped off the adjusting table lunging at me as my back hit the wall. He thought he was back in Vietnam with the enemy after him. And I was the enemy. I managed to hold my eye contact and remind him he was safe and in my office in PA…….thankfully all turned out ok. AND on a really positive note the physical issue he had come to me for went away and never returned.
I knew I had to figure out how to access the primary reason for Lotor’s distress today. I began to ask his nervous system questions to get to the core of the issue, since clearly he was still distressed even though I had adjusted his physical misalignments.
So many thoughts were going thru my mind as I was formulating questions to ask him. I had no idea where to even begin. But I knew it had to do with some flash back.
I did the only thing I knew to do …. Look into his eyes and ask him what was he afraid of? Expecting to hear the word pain or see a picture or feel pain but, I did not!!! NO, that was not the answer to this puzzle.
What I heard was so amazing. Lotor’s inner self said that he was afraid that they would think less of him if he couldn’t do his job. He didn’t want to let his family down. He was a Marine and always would be and took that position very seriously. His still slightly cloudy distant eyes suddenly became present and sparkled again as I assured him that HE IS LOVED JUST THE WAY HE IS. He served his time and did his job when he was in the service but now he just gets to enjoy life and his family. He reached up to lick my face, took a big deep breath and sighed. I watched him over the next few minutes (as I tried to explain to the owner what just happened), his body relax as he took in the concept that he no longer had to hold it all together. By the time I was done fumbling trying to find the words that sounded professional and coherent to explain to the owners what just happened and being a little worried I just lost all credibility as a doctor. Lotor picked himself up off the sofa where he had been laying since yesterday. All of our attention shifted to watch him do a full body shake, look around and bound to the door to go outside.
FEAR was at the root. FEAR was causing the muscle spasm. FEAR was causing the restiction of fluid in his spine. FEAR was making him hold his breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don’t know what life has in store for Lotor. But, what I do know is that being understood, appreciated and accepted for who he is now is as important to him and it is for people.
Thank you Staff Sergeant Lotor of the Marines.
Thank you J.R. Halbert for sharing your Whispers and giving me the courage to share mine.
